Regrets After Turning 45

I have been working for nearly 23 years. I started working part-time back in high school and have continued all the way until now. In this article, I want to look back from the perspective of being 45 years old and reflect on what people should do between the ages of 20 and 40, so they do not end up filled with regret at 45. I have listed the things I regret one by one for everyone’s reference. I am not ranking which regrets are the greatest; this is simply a list of regrets, with no particular order.

1. Teeth
Recently, while eating chocolate, one of my teeth suddenly cracked. I could clearly feel the missing part with my lips. When eating other foods, it became obvious that the missing tooth could no longer chew properly. I admit that I did not brush my teeth regularly and I also smoked. I did not take proper care of my teeth. Getting a dental crown requires out-of-pocket payment and costs tens of thousands of New Taiwan dollars, which is a heavy financial burden. But without a crown, eating becomes very inconvenient. If I had developed proper dental care habits when I was younger, I might not have had to spend this money. Especially during middle age, when expenses are already high — children have not graduated yet, they are renting apartments near school, rent keeps increasing, and my own business is still in preparation. I try to keep costs low, but it is still a major expense. Due to insufficient funds, the opening date keeps getting postponed. If you have healthy teeth, take good care of them. Do not wait until middle age when they start falling apart, because it becomes a very expensive problem.

2. Illness and Health Problems
Friends over 40 years old have probably noticed that their physical stamina is no longer what it used to be. As for me, I am already over 45 and approaching 50.
First, I want to talk about mysterious health problems that appear out of nowhere. I sometimes experience sudden internal pain in the upper-right side of my abdomen. I visited two major hospitals and underwent chest X-rays as well as liver, gallbladder, and gastrointestinal ultrasounds, but the results showed absolutely nothing — no stones, no tumors, completely normal. The pain becomes so severe that I have to squat down until it slowly improves before I can stand again. Since the test results were normal, Western doctors gave me no medication. Traditional Chinese medicine doctors also said my pulse seemed normal and prescribed nothing. I felt completely helpless and could only wish that my younger self had exercised more and taken better care of my body.
Do not take medicine recklessly. Because I suffer from hair loss, I once asked a pharmacy whether they had medicine that could help regrow hair. The pharmacist recommended a kidney-health supplement because traditional Chinese medicine believes the kidneys are related to hair growth. After taking it for one week, my scrotum started sweating excessively — so much that my underwear became soaked. I visited a urologist, but the doctor told me this was a “traditional Chinese medicine problem” and advised me to see a TCM doctor instead. He only prescribed antibacterial ointment. I then sought treatment from a TCM clinic. Three months later, the sweating was reduced but my underwear still remained damp. So I foolishly decided to double the dosage on my own and only took the double dose for two days. The dampness completely disappeared, and everything returned to normal dryness. I could honestly say I recovered. My reasoning was that the medicine had been helping, just too slowly, so I increased the dosage. But this was dangerous — if I had damaged my organs, the consequences would have been severe. I simply got lucky. Please do not imitate me and end up harming yourself.

3. Smoking
Most women dislike the smell of cigarettes, and smokers are often disliked by others. Back when I was in the military, many senior soldiers smoked. I wanted to build relationships with them, so I learned to smoke as well in order to chat and fit in. In reality, it was completely unnecessary. First, those senior soldiers who smoked freely were usually close to discharge anyway, so they would not really be able to help you in the future. There was no need to build connections through smoking. Second, if a senior liked you, they would take care of you whether you smoked or not. Smoking had absolutely nothing to do with it. I was simply trying to flatter others and make military life easier, so I picked up smoking. Several times I got exposed because I clearly did not know how to smoke properly. It was embarrassing.
What hurts even more is that most women I met through matchmaking disliked men who smoke. I have smoked for 26 years, so quitting instantly is almost impossible. Although quitting smoking remains a goal, it has permanently stayed on my to-do list without success. If I do not quit smoking, it feels like I will never get married. This has troubled and saddened me for years.
If I had never started smoking in the first place, I would not have so many regrets today. Many things in life became impossible simply because I smoke. If you can avoid smoking, then do not start. It is better for your body as well.

4. A Rushed Marriage
I married my ex-wife less than three months after meeting her. I barely knew what kind of person she was. After marriage and after having a child, she stopped caring for the family entirely and left everything to my mother. She constantly visited relatives on her side of the family, trying to gain benefits and asking them for whatever she could get. She also had another phone containing photos with another man, whom she labeled as “husband,” making it obvious she was having an affair. My daughter was only three years old at the time. That man even threatened my child, saying he would sell her, and my ex-wife said nothing. After that, my daughter would wake up crying every night, eventually telling me that her mother had another man outside the marriage.
My ex-wife’s parents even came to my parents’ house and said they planned to give her a house. By then we already knew about the affair, so there was no way we could agree. I collected evidence of her affair, including flight records proving she secretly traveled to Macau with two men without telling me. I handed everything to my lawyer. During mediation, she immediately gave up child custody and property rights because she knew she had no ground to stand on. A few months later, she became pregnant, and the biological father was the affair partner. That man’s wife even called me and said, “Your wife behaves very inappropriately outside.” Together, they destroyed two families — mine and his.
Everything I have described is backed up with evidence. I stored multiple copies over several years to protect myself. Every wrongdoing was documented and archived. If I had listened to my parents and dated longer before deciding to marry, I would not have suffered so much. At the time, I was studying in graduate school, working full-time, and dealing with terrible conflict between my wife and my mother. The pressure became so overwhelming that I suddenly felt physically unwell at work. After returning home, I slept for three straight days. When I woke up, I felt horrible physically and mentally. Doctors diagnosed me with severe depression. I had no choice but to resign from my job, although I still managed to finish graduate school. I have taken psychiatric medication for more than ten years now. Fortunately, I am doing much better today, and during recent appointments I have discussed reducing the dosage with my doctor.

5. Hair Loss
I first noticed my hair loss in 2018 and have documented it with photos ever since. I visited dermatology departments at major hospitals, but nothing worked, and eventually I developed severe balding. I nearly lost hope and even considered saving money for a hair transplant. Then I discovered that there are specialized hair-regrowth dermatology clinics online, although only a few exist. Considering my financial situation, I chose the cheapest one first, with a skeptical attitude, simply wanting to try it out. After six months of treatment, because I had taken photos consistently, I noticed that my hair follicles had reappeared and some fine hair had begun growing. So I decided to continue treatment for another six months to see whether my hair could fully recover. I originally thought baldness was untreatable, but now I would recommend visiting a hair-regrowth specialist rather than a regular dermatologist. There is still hope. If I had discovered these specialized clinics back in 2018, I would not have wasted so much money on ineffective dermatology medications. On matchmaking websites, I often see women write: “No bald men or overweight men.” Seeing those comments is painful, so I temporarily gave up the idea of matchmaking until my hair improves.

6. Wastefulness
Is your home occupied by you, or by your belongings? If your house is filled with clutter, then clearly the belongings are the ones living there. That used to be my situation. Whenever a new book was released, I rushed to buy it, believing that buying books meant gaining knowledge. In reality, some books turned yellow before I even opened a single page, and years later they ended up in recycling. I owned enough books to fill five bookshelves, twelve cardboard boxes, and three double-layer cabinets. It became difficult even to walk through my home. This situation lasted over ten years until I genuinely started cleaning. Clothing was similar. Most clothes were gifts from companies or other people, and I rarely bought clothes myself. But because I could not bear to throw them away, they piled up like mountains. Eventually I cleaned everything thoroughly and kept only what I actually wear: one formal suit, jacket, trousers, two polo shirts, two multifunctional pants, a few jackets for different temperatures, and hats because of my baldness. I can literally count all my clothes on my fingers.
Technology products were also scattered everywhere. Whenever new gadgets were released, I felt an urge to buy them. I ended up purchasing many products that became worthless after only a year. Technology products depreciate much like new cars. Eventually I sold them cheaply online — extremely cheaply — and buyers still bargained for lower prices. But I accepted because keeping them served no purpose. Nowadays, my attitude toward technology products is different. I evaluate my actual needs. For example, if a product is currently generation N, I simply wait two years and buy generation N+2 instead. That way I avoid impulsive purchases.
Online courses were another wasteful area. Every time I saw advertisements for online courses, my desire to learn exploded and I desperately wanted to enroll. But after purchasing many courses, some remained unfinished for over five years, and for some I cannot even remember where the website links are anymore. It was incredibly wasteful. So now I have made a rule for myself: if I do not finish my current courses, then no matter how amazing a new course appears, I immediately delete the advertisement email.

7. Appearance
When I was younger, I was somewhat handsome and had several girls interested in me. Back then I knew nothing about skincare. I went outside bare-faced, spent long hours under the sun, and ran around everywhere. Gradually I became darker, and my skin quality worsened. By the time visible problems appeared, trying to repair the damage was already too late. Skincare products barely worked; applying more only felt like self-comfort. When I was young, breakfast shop staff used to call me “handsome guy.” Now I am simply referred to as “this customer.” Today I am a bald man with a belly. I already mentioned the baldness issue earlier. The belly issue has also troubled me for a long time. I am 178 cm tall and weigh 65.4 kg. According to BMI standards, I am considered normal weight, but my waistline is 89 cm and I cannot slim it down. I do 100 sit-ups every day except weekends for months, but I still have a belly. I even fasted for several days until my weight dropped to 64.6 kg before eating again. During fasting I drank coffee, nutritional supplements, and protein powder because I was afraid of harming myself. Yet my belly still remained large. I watched countless YouTubers introducing abdominal fat-loss programs, but none worked. Those YouTubers are not doctors, and even doctors are not always correct. After suffering through all this, I want to tell my younger self: take care of your appearance while young and save money early, because at least then you can afford cosmetic treatments later. I failed to save that money, so now I can only slowly undergo one cosmetic treatment per year to avoid excessive expenses. After all, I still have a daughter to raise. But if I had understood proper self-care earlier in life, I would not need to spend so much on cosmetic procedures during middle age.

8. Exercise
I truly believe learning martial arts makes a difference, at least in terms of self-protection. During junior high school, my younger brother joined the judo club, so I joined as well. At first, I mainly learned how to fall safely without getting injured. Most of my training focused on learning how to be thrown properly. Only later did I learn a few throwing techniques myself. So in truth, I became more skilled at being thrown than throwing others. After graduation, because I genuinely loved judo, I joined a judo dojo. However, because the junior high school judo team I came from was famous for being strong, people assumed I was highly skilled. A black belt man targeted me and threw me around brutally while mocking me, saying students from my school were only “this level.” But I had only participated casually as a school club member; I was never particularly strong. Another black belt woman eventually stopped his mocking. Later, however, I seemed to be excluded from the dojo. They stopped giving me schedules, so several times I showed up only to find the dojo closed. Eventually I stopped practicing judo altogether.
Yet in later years, I survived several traffic accidents — being hit by taxis and motorcycles. My body instinctively protected my head because I had learned how to fall properly. Once, while carrying something heavy, I fell down a staircase and landed in the middle of an alley. Again, my body instinctively protected my head. That is one of the benefits of learning judo. It is unfortunate, though, because if I were still young, I would advise myself to train all the way to black belt. Not only could it protect me, but it would also allow me to defend myself properly. Now that I am middle-aged and suffering from many health issues, I can only focus on healing first. Judo is physically demanding and may no longer suit me.

9. Financial Management
There is a well-known saying: “If you do not manage your money, your money will not take care of you.” It really makes sense. Financial management is a field of knowledge, yet most people only learn it formally in a university finance department. No one taught me how to manage money when I was young. My financial management relied entirely on intuition. I once kept expense records for several years, but I still did not truly manage my money. I had no brokerage account, no credit card, and only a regular bank savings account. Each month, as long as I had enough to get by, I either saved the rest or wasted it. I probably wasted at least one or two million New Taiwan dollars. If I had invested that money in TSMC, my life might not be so difficult now. I believe financial education should begin early, because the power of compound interest only becomes visible over a long period of time. If you start investing in the right assets at a young age, you can build considerable financial strength by adulthood. As for me, I am already middle-aged, with only a few decades left. Relying on compound interest is still possible, but I can only say there is still a chance—and that chance may not necessarily belong to me. I first started learning about investing by watching YouTubers, who introduced something called a “stock calendar” and claimed that you could receive interest every month. In the end, those financial commentators were full of nonsense. After saying whatever they wanted, they took no responsibility. Because of them, I bought at the highest point. Five years have passed, and I am still averaging down. Now I refuse to watch financial YouTube programs. I only read personal finance e-books and use AI to assist me in making judgments. My actual results have been much better than following what those commentators said. My advice to my younger self would still be this: when money is easier to earn, first build an emergency fund. Then invest the remaining money in stable assets, using time to create room for growth. By the time you reach middle age, you will have the confidence and financial foundation to live the life you want, without being afraid of a midlife crisis.

Although I have many regrets, there are two main reasons behind them. First: ignoring the advice of elders often leads to immediate consequences. Many influencers and life coaches say that if you want success, you should ignore your parents’ mindset because your parents are not successful. But now that I am over 45, I realize my parents were conservative and resistant to new technology. Still, shouldn’t decision-making involve objectively considering all perspectives? Conservatism is also a valid approach, so why dismiss it entirely? Several times, because I ignored my parents’ advice, I suffered painful consequences. Honestly, many influencers and life coaches are simply using persuasive language to sell courses and memberships.
Second: impatience and comparing myself to others. When I was young and poorly paid, I became impatient and constantly searched for ways to increase my salary. The reason I continued studying for a master’s and later a doctorate was ultimately because of money. Higher degrees increase salaries. Back when I was still a master’s student, I introduced a PhD student to my company. Ironically, despite not even specializing in the field, his starting salary exceeded mine by over ten thousand NTD. I felt it was unfair, so I decided to continue toward a PhD myself. But doctoral study is truly difficult. Compared to a master’s degree, the difference is enormous. A PhD requires broad academic knowledge without clear textbooks — you must discover answers yourself. A master’s degree usually focuses on improvement and refinement, while a doctorate demands innovation, originality, and entirely new ways of thinking. The gap is huge. However, after completing my doctorate, many opportunities opened up, so in the end it was worthwhile.
Another problem was comparing myself to others. Because of my parents’ conservative financial mindset, I spent years without owning a credit card. Eventually, one bank advertised cashback rewards, which sounded like discounts on purchases, so I casually applied for a card. Later I realized the cashback was only a few dollars. The same bank then released another card with “higher cashback,” so I applied again. This time the cashback reached double digits. Because I always paid my credit card bills on time, the bank automatically raised my spending limit. It made me feel important, as though I were somehow superior. But in reality, the bank simply wanted me to spend more using their cards. In truth, if you spend more than 30% of your credit limit, your credit score can decrease. For example, if your credit limit is 500,000 NTD, you should ideally spend no more than 150,000 NTD. Exceeding that may reduce your credit score with the joint credit bureau and make future loans more expensive.
I have many regrets, but I have also learned many lessons. When I first entered society, I wanted to achieve success as quickly as possible, but instead I ended up entering hospitals earlier than expected. If I could say a few words to my younger self, they would be: “Learn financial management early, prioritize health, do your best, know your limits, listen to many perspectives, test before buying, evaluate carefully, build steadily, keep learning for life, and be a good father.” Today, I would add: “Accept aging, take care of yourself, treat marriage seriously, focus on preserving wealth, understand that entrepreneurship is difficult, do your best without forcing perfection, and prepare your own retirement without burdening your children.” These are merely my personal reflections. They may not apply to everyone because everyone’s experiences are different. But perhaps they can still serve as a useful reference.

Translated by ChatGPT, with minor edits for clarity and flow. The original article was written in Chinese and published on the author’s personal blog on May 9, 2026.